How to become an active listener? Our advice

How to be a better listener at work: Understanding active listening

What is active listening?

Active listening is more than just hearing someone speak; it’s about truly engaging with them and understanding their message. This kind of listening is a key communication skill that truly makes good listeners shine.
 

Active listening is a hands-on process where you sequentially: 

• listen closely to the speaker ; 
• understand what they’re saying ; 
• respond thoughtfully ; 
• remember the conversation and what you learned through it.
  

Unlike passive listening, where you might hear but not fully engage, active listening requires your undivided attention and total commitment from you, and from your ears, eyes and mind !

Components of active listening

Full attention 

Focus entirely on the person speaking, and don’t let distractions get in the way. Giving your full attention shows the speaker that you value their input. Of course, nowadays, it’s easy to get distracted by phones, emails, or even our own thoughts. Yet, true active listening means putting all those distractions aside and focusing solely on the person in front of you.

Eye contact 

Eye contact helps build a connection and shows the speaker that you’re truly listening and interested. Plus, it can give you clues about your emotions and sincerity. Granted, eye contact can vary across cultures so keep this fact in mind, but generally, maintaining good eye contact shows respect and attentiveness.

Verbal and non-verbal feedback 

Use both speech and body language to show you’re listening. Nodding, smiling, and saying things like “I see” or “Go on” are good examples of how you can show you’re paying attention. Non-verbal cues like facial expressions and body language fulfill a similar function.

Make no mistake: your body language says a lot about your level of interest in the conversation. For instance,  leaning slightly forward and mirroring the speaker’s expressions can demonstrate very well that you are fully there.

Do not be alarmed by the fact that you are not able to be mindful of your non verbal cues right away. Learning and mastering this skill takes time and practice, so start with a couple of small changes and work your way up from there.

Withholding judgment 

Listen without jumping to conclusions or forming opinions right away. This lets room for the speaker to express themselves openly and honestly. So give them a safe space where they feel free to share their thoughts and speak out without fear of immediate criticism,  interruption or worse than anything else: repercussions.

Empathy

In a strict sense empathy is the capacity to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, understand how they feel and feel a bit of the same feeling, be it pain, anxiety or positive things like joy or excitement.

Concerning communication techniques, empathy is one of the key components of emotional intelligence (EQ) management. It would seem that empathy is an innate trait but as a matter of fact it is a very much trainable soft skill.

Empathy training has a lot to do with your facial expressions and body language, so unsurprisingly, it helps you connect with the speaker on a deeper level and ultimately build trust by means of openness. Once you manage to feel what the other person feels, the other part of empathy as an active listener is to respond in a supportive way.

How to be a better listener: The benefits of active listening

Improving communication

When you really pay attention and give proper feedback, you already are doing a lot of work to prevent misunderstandings. Indeed, miscommunication often happens when listeners aren’t fully engaged which tends to lead to wrong assumptions and responses.

Through the practice of active listening, you make sure you understand the speaker’s message correctly, therefore reducing the risks of confusion.

Active listening also tightens relationships : which seems understandable because when you listen actively, you show respect and appreciation for the other person. This is especially important in professional relationships, where understanding and empathy are key to a highly functioning team.

For example, in a work context, if your team member is talking about a stressful deadline, if you show and tell them that you care without saying a word thanks to active listening, well it will have as much –if not more– impact as if you outright told them in a sentence. This kind of engagement can make your coworker or employee feel valued and understood, which subsequently strengthens the bond between you two.

Enhancing leadership and management

If you’re in a leadership or management role, active listening is a must-have skill. Leaders who practice active listening are better at understanding the needs and concerns of their team members. This understanding can in turn lead to a more positive and harmonious work environment.

Active listening also helps you provide clear and constructive feedback. When team members feel heard and understood, they’re more likely to be open to feedback and motivated to improve. This can boost productivity and create a more positive workplace culture.

Consider a scenario where a team member is struggling with a project. An active listening leader would take the time to listen to their concerns without judgment, offer empathy, and provide constructive feedback. This not only helps resolve the immediate issue but also builds trust and respect between the leader and the team member.

Conflict resolution

One of the most significant benefits of active listening is its role in conflict resolution. When conflicts happen, emotions can run high, and communication often breaks down. Active listening helps you defuse these kinds of intricate situations, as it allows all parties to feel heard and understood, which can calm emotions and pave the way for constructive dialogue.

For instance, in a workplace conflict between colleagues, an active listener would let each person express their perspective without interruption. By maintaining eye contact and showing empathy, the listener helps each party feel validated. This can give way to a more productive conversation focused on finding a resolution rather than assigning blame. Nonviolent communication is also a technique closely related to both conflict resolution and active listening.

Building trust and respect

Trust and respect are the foundations of any strong relationship, whether personal or professional. And as we already discussed, active listening helps build these foundations. When people feel genuinely heard and understood, they are more likely to trust and respect the listener.

Imagine you are a manager and one of your employees comes to you with a problem. If you listen actively, showing empathy and withholding judgment, your team member will probably feel valued and respected. This can lead to a more open and trusting relationship, where the employee feels comfortable sharing concerns and ideas in the future.

As it stands, you might have taken notice that active listening is a skill but also a system, not unlike a virtuous circle, where each and every component entices positive changes and consequences: mindfulness helps with empathy which contributes to trust which in turn paces the way for teamwork and constructive feedback and so on and so forth.

How to be a better listener? Techniques & advice

Techniques to improve active listening

• Keep your emotions in check to avoid reacting impulsively or letting your feelings cloud your understanding. Staying calm and composed helps maintain a respectful and productive dialogue. This is fundamental, really.
• If you realize that you weren’t listening as attentively as you should have been, acknowledge it and apologize. Admitting your lapse in attention shows humility and a commitment to improving your listening skills.
• Repeat the last few words out loud: This technique helps confirm that you’re paying attention and provides an opportunity for the speaker to clarify or expand on their point. It reinforces that you are actively engaged in the conversation. But make sure you don’t do it too loudly or for every single sentence.
• Don’t rephrase their words unless for clarification purposes: Use the speaker’s own words unless you need to clarify something. This ensures that you are accurately reflecting their message without altering its meaning.
• Pay attention to their own nonverbal cues: Observe the speaker’s body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. These nonverbal cues can provide additional context and help you understand their true feelings and intentions, this is the very first part of emotional intelligence, as a matter of fact.
• Engage the speaker by asking plenty of questions. This not only shows your interest but also encourages them to provide more detailed information, fostering a deeper understanding of their perspective.
• Don’t think about your response instead of listening: Focus entirely on what the speaker is saying rather than planning your next response. This ensures that you are fully present in the conversation and can respond more thoughtfully when it’s your turn to speak.

Practical exercises for active listening

Stating empathetic observations

In conversations, focus on identifying the emotions behind the speaker’s words. Reflect these emotions back to them, showing you understand their feelings. This could involve saying something like, “It sounds like you’re really disappointed about what happened.” or “I can see how that would be frustrating”.

Questioning drill

Practice asking open-ended questions in your daily conversations. This prompts more detailed responses and improves your ability to engage in active listening. For example, instead of asking, “Did you have a good day?” you could ask, “What was the best part of your day?”. This way, you avoid binary (yes or no) questions and replace them with more elaborate ones. This goes to show you’re interested in their perspective and want a deeper conversation.

Feedback loop

In discussions, make a habit of giving regular feedback to the speaker. This can be in the form of verbal affirmations, nodding, or summarizing key points. For example, you might say, “I really appreciate you sharing this with me. It gives me a better understanding of your perspective.” 

Additionally, consider learning and implementing the SBI feedback framework, it might prove rather helpful.

Role-playing

Engage in role-playing exercises where you practice active listening in various scenarios. This can be done with a friend or colleague where one person plays the speaker and the other practices active listening. This helps you apply active listening skills in a controlled setting before using them in real conversations.

Mindfulness meditation

Practice mindfulness meditation to enhance your focus and attention. It acts as a tether to help you stay present in the moment, making it easier to give your full attention during conversations. Even a few minutes of daily meditation can improve your overall listening skills.

As it appears, active listening is a skill that needs continuous practice and dedication. By committing to improving your listening skills, you can enhance your personal and professional relationships, resolve conflicts more effectively, and become a more empathetic and understanding leader and manager. But the point of active listening is not about making you stand out as an individual. The very essence of active listening lies in the intention of making the work environment a positive space where communication flows efficiently, unhindered.

However, developing and nurturing such a skill requires two things : training and a genuine desire to be the best leader you can be for your team. If you possess the latter, CoachYZ can be of assistance with the former, as well as with any other workplace-related communication technique or executive coaching issue. Discover our coaching sessions now !